Ugh, seriously? If I wanted to collect my stories, I’d ask for the newspaper to be delivered page by page on an hourly basis. It’s been argued that the story is fantastic because you “collect” it like an item while you play. It doesn’t tell me who I am, it doesn’t tell me who anybody else is, the characters are all stupid and the main dude doesn’t speak. There is an option to change the music to an “original” soundtrack on the Wii, but did I use it? Did I bollocks! If the improved soundtrack is that bad, I have no choice but to believe an older version of the same dreadful noise could only be worse. A screeching cacophony of incomprehensible noise, when I first booted up Cave Story I seriously thought a wounded cat was being fingered by Fran Drescher in the backyard. If the graphics are bad, the music is a crime against decency. The trouble is that it’s not in HD, and as someone who has played God of War III (which is obviously better than anything else because it’s on the PS3), my eyes cannot adjust to this hideous, retina-scarring garbage. Cave Story looks like a four-year-old’s drawing of a burning building full of insects, which the family dog vomited on five minutes after it was stuck to the refrigerator. Anybody with proper eyes can see it for themselves. The graphics for Cave Story are shockingly dreadful, and you can only disagree with me if your name is Stevie Wonder. Read on to find out why Cave Story is the absolute worst. Once you read my irrefutable tome of pure evidence, you’ll understand. Sure, you may think it’s good, and might even be wondering how on Earth a rational human being could ever concoct a contradictory conclusion, but don’t worry. These people, unfortunately, are wrong.Īs a gamer, I deal only in polar extremes, so I am here to tell you that Cave Story is actually the worst videogame ever made. Some would go so far as to say that Cave Story is the greatest videogame ever made. ![]() Many gamers adore this retro throwback, holding it high as proof that indie products can be just as well crafted as any retail experience. Cave Story made its long-awaited WiiWare debut this past week, and people were ecstatic.
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